Welcome to my life, or the newest chapter of my life, anyway.
I have waited my whole life to be a missionary. God called me when I was young, but only recently did he tell me it is now time. Journey along with me as I learn, travel, file, face challenges, and rejoice in victories.
I hope that this journal is able to help others with questions as I learn many answers myself.
Today, I introduce myself shortly and talk about God’s Provision according to the Bible, living in Holiness, and what Grace really is.
I’ve seen the hashtag all over social media the last few days. #metoo. I’ve heard about it on the news, and I’ve read opinion articles-both fair and unfair towards individuals on either side of the discussion. This current discussion- because its certainly not a new one by any stretch of the imagination- has been spurred into motion by the stories coming forth from Hollywood by ladies harassed and assaulted by producer Harvey Weinstein after a tape recording was discovered and released of a berating discussion in which the female could clearly be heard protesting his advances repeatedly.
Multiple times I already knew of the stories my friends told, because that’s what women ought to do- be a force of support. Other times I’ve had no idea. It brought to mind all the stories I’d been given the intimate privilege to listen to and the survival and strength story tellers had…
I have been absent much of this month due to the business that comes with moving.
My brother married the love of his life(she is lovely!) at the end of May, and after a brief honeymoon to beautiful Ireland his wife moved in with him in our two bedroom apartment. Though we all love each other, newlyweds need a house to themselves, so I set out on a search for an ideal place for a thirty year old woman to live with her cats (I know, I sound like a crazy cat lady: I am a crazy animal lady in general, but yes, my kitties are my babies.)
In months of searching, I was running out of time, and was contacted by a good friend of mine from church who had a room in her duplex opening up within the month. I was and am so very excited for this new place! I can even garden there!!! There is only one terrible terrible draw back…
I petitioned both the management company and the new owners to allow me to take my cats with me, as this property used to allow pets, but due to one bad experience with a previous tenant, shut that option down. I had no-where else to go, and in three months of searching was not able to find a roommate willing to move in to my two bedroom apartment.
Last weekend, through many many tears (and many since then, I assure you) I had to return my babies to the wonderful woman with Johnston County Animal Rescue who had fostered them for several months before I adopted them. My heart feels crushed. Sometimes I hate being an adult. I wish that unhappy times did not come upon us in life. I wish many things that I cannot seem to put in to words because the emotions are running so deeply within me right now that I cannot seem to get descriptive words to rise to the surface. I woke the first night thinking that my cats were rustling around in the night, and then remembered that they were not there. I have put their tags on my keys in remembrance and am keeping in touch with the lovely woman who is taking care of them.
Between the hearthurting-ness that I am feeling from this, and the effort to move and clean throughout this month, and the volunteer work I do with the church and community, I have been too busy (and sometimes just too worn out) to write. My home computer also stopped allowing me to use the internet for the last week, and that complicated things as well.
Overall, new is always good. One can pave their own path, build a life from the ground up, but to be honest, at thirty, with a divorce, a couple of pretty intense deeply loving relationships that just suddenly ended, and the work troubles (which are gone for the last year, and I am able to rebuild my life in this way too!!!) over the past several years, I am tired. I am weary. I am taking it to Christ to place at the foot of the cross because I cannot handle this all alone.
Don’t get me wrong, there have been many many wonderful things in the past several years as well. Both my younger brother and sister have been married. My sister had a girl a year and a half ago, and is pregnant with a boy (due Christmas day! 😮 ) I have known love. I have rescued a few turtles, learned many new things, and grown in so many ways! I have been miraculously healed of several things (i will go in to this in another article), been on a journey to a healthier me, and come to love myself for who I am with all of my faults (this can be hard to learn how to do when you have been taught humility and to put others first your whole life… it is a delicate balance.)
I can’t wait to show you all several amazing new developments in life, but I will leave that for the move.
Thank you Jesus that you have provided for an abundant and blessed life. Things are looking up from here.
Though this is a fairly short song, Selah’s “Through it All” is encouraging. The catchy tune of the chorus in this song has had this song stuck in my head all day long. I find it encouraging, and it appeals to the fact that it is a choice to have hope and take heart in the midst of difficult situations.
This morning, on the way to work, I was pondering about the many dreamers I know, and the fact that almost none of them are taking steps to achieve their dreams, but see them as far off “someday” things that will eventually fall in their laps when it is time. I used to have a mindset quite like this, but life has taught me discipline. Dreams are wonderful, but they do not just happen. We have to live our lives in a way that furthers our path. We must press on through the difficulties and through the trials and come out on top a stronger more able individual. We must focus on our end goal, and take steps daily in its direction. Fellow blogger, dray0308 shares on DreamBigDreamOften thoughts on living that I 100% agree with. Take a look (and consider following him!)
Life can be difficult, but sometimes we fall victim to believing things that simply are not reality. And the problem with this thinking is what we allow ourselves to believe does become OUR reality.
Maybe events from our past have led us to believe all people are dangerous. Or maybe we believe that we have no control over what happens to us. And then there are some who believe life is truly out of their control.
And it is for these reasons that I beg people to be aware of the inventory of thoughts in their mind. It is easy to believe life shapes us instead of the inverse and it is because of this that I believe many of us truly are victims-of our own thinking.
I have put some thought to it and believe I have come up with a fairly accurate list of 6 mindsets people have…
Praise God, It is Monday and I have a job that is enough. It is enough to keep me fed. It is enough to pay bills. It is enough to have a roof over my head. I am healthy and breathing, and fully alive! Thank you Jesus that you are Jehovah Jirah, my provider!
Sometimes, I go thorough a time where I feel abnormally discouraged with society. So much is happening, and I often feel nearly powerless to make any change no matter how hard I may try to impact the world around me. Lately, our world seems to be in turmoil and tumult: discrimination issues, violent acts, and general frustration with the election began to overwhelm me. Our flag seems to fly more at half mast lately than full. I find my heart grieving the loss of what I thought this country to be as I stared in to the dirty mess that often seems to be our present day reality.
A friend supports Keaka Wallace (R) who says she was a patrol partner of slain DART officer Brent Thompson, weeps as she leaves a makeshift memorial at Dallas Police Headquarters following the multiple police shooting in Dallas, Texas, U.S.,July 8, 2016. REUTERS/Carlo Allegri – RTSH11P
Protesters are removed from a Donald Trump rally at the Crown Center Coliseum in Fayetteville, N.C., March 9, 2016. A number of the violent incidents at Trumpís raucous rallies have had racial overtones. (Travis Dove/The New York Times)
In order to clear my head, (because I was seriously in tears about this about this time last week), I decided to do some research of my own, talk to God about my frustrations and what I saw happening around me (and what I perceive as both people’s willful blindness and apathetic attitude to many issues), and stop watching what the media wanted me to watch. I discussed things with friends who may have a different experiences and viewpoints, and attempted to understand things more thoroughly.
I was reminded of several things.
1- As useless as I sometimes feel with my willing heart and larger-than-me issues, I was made “for such a time as this.” God did not cause me to be born during this particular time in history for nothing. He has a plan. Even when I cannot see what it is, or I feel frustrated attempting to live it out, His plan reigns supreme, and I can rest in that.
God did not cause me to be born during this particular time in history for nothing.
2- Nothing new happens under the sun. Solomon stated in Ecclesiastes:
What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. 10 Is there anything of which one can say, “Look! This is something new”? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time. Ecclesiastes 1:9-10 (NIV)
Even though I may feel like everything is out of control, and problems are mounting, everything that is has been before. There is nothing new under the sun. There is good, and there is evil, and I will continue to fight on the side of right, whether others fight alongside me or not.
3- media overplays their control in society.Unfortunately, media often incites more problems because they are in business for themselves. Most media outlets share what shocks, what stirs up, and what produces anger and fear. Why is this? Because it sells. If they stir up people, those individuals will watch more. They give us more disaster, more heartbreak, and more discouraging stories about society than is proportional. There is a lot of good out there too. In today’s world, I have to make sure and pay attention to the good.
Mordacai said to Esther:
“For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14 (NIV)