Romance is important to any love relationship. Without an expression and receiving of affection it would be very difficult for romantic love to survive. The question we have to ask ourselves, however, is which type of romance feeds us each the most?
It would be convenient for all of us if there were a true scale of love. How much do you love me, from 1-10? If 1, see me once a week, 2- take to movie…. 9-rub my feet for me, 10- buy flowers and chocolates… but this is not the way love works. There is no simple chart. Everyone has different things that they value. Everyone has different things that make them feel more loved.
The good news is you know your partner possibly better than anyone in the world, and you can find out what they do value. Some people like physical affection: a kiss on the lips, cheek, forehead; a hand on the small of the back; or a good hug filled with love may mean the world to this person. All of the flowers in the world would not mean as much as receiving a touch from the person they love. Others may thrive on getting help around the house, receiving little gifts that let them know you were thinking about them, or just spending time together.
I have enjoyed learning over the years about Dr. Gary Chapman’s work. He wrote a book called “The 5 Love Languages.” Now I have no connection with Dr Chapman and his materials other than my studying for personal interest, so I hope you take me seriously when I say these are one of the best tools I believe any relationship could be equipped with.
Dr. Chapman’s simple test helps you figure out both yours and your partner’s primary love language and how strongly you need each type. It explains each one and gives examples of what you could do for the person you are with if that is indeed their love language. You can find the test here àhttp://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
If you are speaking with a person whose primary language is Chinese, which language would you want to communicate an idea in ideally? Wouldn’t you want to tell them in Chinese because this, as their primary language, is the easiest to understand? In the same way, once you learn which love language your partner primarily speaks, shower them in the love you want to give, but in a way they understand and appreciate. This may also open your eyes to see gestures of love you have been receiving from them that you may have missed in the past.