Get Your Own Life


This point is particularly important for the unmarried among you. Once you are married, your lives do merge more fully. However, before marriage, many of us become so enraptured with the person we are seeing that we forget all other pursuits. Although it is normal, and important to desire to spend time together, spending all of your time together is unhealthy early in the relationship, and can end up shutting the relationship down more than building it up.

Believe me, I get it! I am a person who wants to spend every last second with someone when I start a relationship, but I have had to learn to regulate. New relationships used to be not only extremely exciting for me but a bit detrimental to the health of my normal life.

There are a few reasons that this is important:

Friendships and Family Relationships

Keeping up fellowship with friends is very important. Do not ignore the people in your life that have been there for you and supported you through other things in life. Difficulties and triumphs can be shared with certain people in your life. If you don’t have any, get some. Life is so much better when the burdens and joys are shared. The Bible even mentions the importance of fellowship of believers.

  • James 5:16 commands us to keep each other in prayer: Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.

  • David obtained both fellowship and protection from the dedicated friendship he and Jonathan shared. (1 Samuel)

  • Ruth accompanied Naomi back to Israel and her faithful dedication to her mother in law was rewarded by Boaz’s hand in marriage. (the book of Ruth)

  • Paul traveled with Barnabas on many missionary journeys (Acts)

These are only a very few of the multitude of supportive relationships listed in the bible. It is important to stay connected.

If you want a concrete example of why relationships are important, I’ll let you know that approximately 80 percent of jobs these days are obtained through networking and warm contacts: that is, people that you know.


Be diligent and take care of your responsibilities. I know it is not fun, but it is important to life. Don’t ignore responsibility for more time with the one you care about. This one should be pretty self explanatory. If you don’t take care of responsibility, your life becomes more of a mess. You have work pile up, and add stress.

I am not saying that you can’t go out for one night and leave the dishes for tomorrow, but don’t make it a regular thing. You must find a way to take care of what needs to be done in life.


They say you become like the six people you spend the most time with. If you are only spending time with one person, your perspective and ability to evaluate the relationship and the behaviors of that individual vastly diminishes. You need time away to process experiences and stay… yourself. Yes, your interests will sync more, your behaviors will sync more, but do not become another person entirely because you are trying to hold on to love.

Be an individual. There is a difference between feeling you literally need someone and wanting to be around them. To feel a need for the person is not healthy. You must have enough of a life unto yourself that you realize you are an individual and able to function on your own. You must be able to foster the interests that make you feel alive inside, and most of the time, the person you are with will share many interests with you but not every one of them.

This becomes more apparent as a relationship grows. At first, you desire to like what the other person does because you want to be exactly what they want you to be: you want to share everything. In truth, you will eventually have a night where they are busy and you are not, or vies a versa .

I believe there are several things that typically lead some individuals to cheating in a relationship. One is boredom. As I mentioned in an earlier post, do not rely on each other to be your only source of entertainment and escape. Have hobbies, and friendships, and stay productive. That way, you will not be tempted when alone.

Just in Case

I know many will not think that this is a good reason. Have a life outside of the person you are dating/courting just in case it doesn’t work out. Of course your relationship is going to work out! You love your significant other and they love you!

Don’t we all think that though, and one day… it just isn’t there anymore. The truth is, until you meet the right person… every other relationship will eventually fall apart, and you need to have maintained your life outside of that person to the extent that, yes, with some heartbreak and mourning the death of the relationship, you are able to walk away on your feet.

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